"Unit 54, call coming out of [hospital]. 78 year old male, non-emergency, discharge. Respond."
"Copy, 54 enroute."
We arrive on scene at the busy ER. As we walk in, we hear a man's voice screaming random phrases through the halls. I approach the nurses' station and ask, "Let me guess, the noisy dude is ours?"
"Haha, you got it! He's a strange one. Repeats everything about 50 times.. Literally.." He pauses and motions for me to listen. Down the hall, I hear our patient..
"HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!"
I shake my head and chuckle. The nurse hands me the paperwork, explains that the guy just needs a ride back to his nursing home and thanks us for taking him. I walk to his bed and find my partner desperately holding back giggles and trying to take the guy's blood pressure.
"What's so funny?" I whisper.
"The stuff he's saying.. Oh man." he whispers back, laughing quietly.
I try speaking with the patient, but he just keeps yelling.
"Sir, we're going to.."
"I have to go to the bathroom! I have to go to the bathroom! I have to go to the bathroom! I have to go to the bathroom!"
I look over at my partner and he shrugs. "I tried to take him to the bathroom, he doesn't really have to go."
"Uh, okay then.. Sir, we're.."
"She's ripping my clothes off! Stop ripping my clothes off! She's ripping my clothes off! Stop ripping my clothes off!"
I stood there, bewildered, empty handed and about 3 feet away from him as he screamed this. A nurse ran into the room to see what all the commotion was and ended up looking more confused than I did when she saw that no-one was ripping anyone's clothes off. My partner stepped out of the room because he could NOT hold back his uncontrollable laughter at this point.
"Ummmmm... Riiiight. Okay, sir. We're taking you home."
"Where do I live!? Where do I live?! Where do I live?!! Where do I live!?!"
"Okay... Let's go."
We load him onto the gurney and he's silent until we put him into the back of the ambulance. I get in the front to drive and hear my partner in the back, trying to talk to him as he's yelling, "I'm gonna piss! I'm gonna piss all over this thing! I'm ready to piss! I'm gonna piss all over you! I have to piss!"
My partner is still stifling his laughter as he tries to get the patient to use a plastic urinal, but the patient refuses and continues to yell..
"Get me outta here! Get me outta here! Get me outta here! I'm ready to piss!"
As we bring him into his nursing home, still screaming, the nurse looks up.
"OH! Mr. Smith! You're back.. Great.."
I smile sympathetically at her and we take him to his room.
"Do you see that?! She's ripping my clothes off! I'm naked! I'm naked! I'm naked! She's ripping my clothes off! I'm naked!"
"Okay, Mr. Smith.. Have a nice day.."
We hop back into the rig and clear from the call. I turn to my partner. .
"Well, that was.."
"Stop ripping my clothes off! I'm ready to piss!"
"Hahahaha! Yea. That was interesting."
Over and out-
The PSYCH wrangler
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Independence Day
"Unit 12, I have a call coming out of a private residence for you. Standby for page."
The page comes through; 25 year old male had a syncopal episode at home. We arrive on scene and find a confused young man sitting on the floor alone in his home. He doesn't really remember what happened, just that he suddenly woke up on the floor and it didn't seem right. As we pull the gurney in we try to get him to stand up. He blushes and explains that he's paralyzed from the waist down. We help him up and get him out of the house and into the rig. As my partner starts the engine I start delving a little deeper into this guys medical history.
"May I ask how you became um.. Paralyzed?"
"14 days. 14 days home from Iraq. I survived the warzone, come home and 14 days later I get hit by a drunk driver."
He shook his head and chuckled.
"How ironic is that? I mean, I came home from Iraq in one piece and 2 weeks later I'm paralyzed."
It was one of the few times in my job that I had absolutely nothing to say. I stared down at my run sheet, pen poised over the paper in the 'Medical history' column. I put the pen down and turned my head to gaze out the back window. 25 years old. A soldier in our military. And he's lost his independence because some asshole decided he was going to drive home drunk.
He sighed and laid his head back against the gurney. We dropped him off at the hospital and I give a report to the nurse. She looks at me with sadness in her eyes as I explain;
"Patient was involved in an MVA that caused the paraplegia. Drunk driver I guess.."
"Wow. That's so f***ed up. Ugh, alright, take him to radiology for an MRI."
"Yea, no problem."
"Have a happy 4th, be careful out there you guys."
"Thanks."
Over and out-
The PSYCH wrangler
The page comes through; 25 year old male had a syncopal episode at home. We arrive on scene and find a confused young man sitting on the floor alone in his home. He doesn't really remember what happened, just that he suddenly woke up on the floor and it didn't seem right. As we pull the gurney in we try to get him to stand up. He blushes and explains that he's paralyzed from the waist down. We help him up and get him out of the house and into the rig. As my partner starts the engine I start delving a little deeper into this guys medical history.
"May I ask how you became um.. Paralyzed?"
"14 days. 14 days home from Iraq. I survived the warzone, come home and 14 days later I get hit by a drunk driver."
He shook his head and chuckled.
"How ironic is that? I mean, I came home from Iraq in one piece and 2 weeks later I'm paralyzed."
It was one of the few times in my job that I had absolutely nothing to say. I stared down at my run sheet, pen poised over the paper in the 'Medical history' column. I put the pen down and turned my head to gaze out the back window. 25 years old. A soldier in our military. And he's lost his independence because some asshole decided he was going to drive home drunk.
He sighed and laid his head back against the gurney. We dropped him off at the hospital and I give a report to the nurse. She looks at me with sadness in her eyes as I explain;
"Patient was involved in an MVA that caused the paraplegia. Drunk driver I guess.."
"Wow. That's so f***ed up. Ugh, alright, take him to radiology for an MRI."
"Yea, no problem."
"Have a happy 4th, be careful out there you guys."
"Thanks."
Over and out-
The PSYCH wrangler
More nightmares..
I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. I groggily stared at my hands in disbelief, unable to determine if the pain was real or not. The pain lessened, then disappeared as I turned my hands over several times searching for the source. I laid back, trying to piece together what I remembered in my head.
In my dream I had been at work, on a normal shift. The first call we took was at a school. When we arrived, I felt a sudden burning on the back of my hands. I looked down as the skin on my fingers sizzled and bubbled. Quickly I inspected my arms, looking for the source of the horrific burns, but found none. I immediately wrapped them in guaze, but kept quiet and continued the call. Throughout the day, call after call, the burns continued up my arms to my elbows. I sat down behind the wheel, squeezed my eyes shut and sobbed in pain until a sharp cracking sound startled my eyes open again. I was sitting in the rig, it was pitch black and an orange glow was around me. I recognized the freeway exit immediately, saw the downed telephone pole in the rearview mirror. The pole that had made the cracking noise as it fell and blocked my only exit out of the fire. I was trapped again, and time I was alone. My stomach churned as the skin on my hands and arms peeled off. I cried again, already knowing my radio was dead, already knowing what was going to happen. The smoke started to fill the cab of the ambulance through the vents, but this time I made no attempt to get out. I screamed.
"What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare."
"About what?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. Go back to bed..."
In my dream I had been at work, on a normal shift. The first call we took was at a school. When we arrived, I felt a sudden burning on the back of my hands. I looked down as the skin on my fingers sizzled and bubbled. Quickly I inspected my arms, looking for the source of the horrific burns, but found none. I immediately wrapped them in guaze, but kept quiet and continued the call. Throughout the day, call after call, the burns continued up my arms to my elbows. I sat down behind the wheel, squeezed my eyes shut and sobbed in pain until a sharp cracking sound startled my eyes open again. I was sitting in the rig, it was pitch black and an orange glow was around me. I recognized the freeway exit immediately, saw the downed telephone pole in the rearview mirror. The pole that had made the cracking noise as it fell and blocked my only exit out of the fire. I was trapped again, and time I was alone. My stomach churned as the skin on my hands and arms peeled off. I cried again, already knowing my radio was dead, already knowing what was going to happen. The smoke started to fill the cab of the ambulance through the vents, but this time I made no attempt to get out. I screamed.
"What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare."
"About what?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. Go back to bed..."
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