Ever wonder what's written in those mysterious charts of yours while you're in the hospital? Here are some examples from myself and fellow crewmembers...
On a 5150 hold, under "Reason for hold" a single line reads, "Patient is crazy."
A report written by an E.R. Doc starts, "Patient presents 34 y/o female, naked."
A page containing the address of our call and the patient's name comes to my pager with this added note from dispatch, "Be advised patient is nuts. PD enroute."
In a progress report, between doctor's orders and vital signs, a nurse writes, "The patient kind of really smells bad, so I made her take a shower and now she smells better."
On a 5150 hold, a police officer writes, "Patient ran into the middle of the street because she is growing a penis."
On a page, the dispatcher gives the chief complaint as "Pillowfititis." (The diagnosis was actually 'pylo.')
On a typed report from the E.R., a nurse writes, "Patient is alert and oriented x 45." (You can only be alert and oriented x 4)
On a 5150 hold an officer writes "Patient called me a fu**ing ni**er, so I arrested him."
A page received by a coworker lists the chief complaint as "Some type of cancer."
On a report from an E.R. Nurse, the first line reads, "Patient presents 56 y/o male c/o vaginal bleeding."
Another page from a coworker reads, "Chief complaint: hiccups x 3 hrs.
A page received by myself: "Chief complaint: patient needs a ride."
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